Allie Dresser


Roommate


One angry, muggy day I punched a hole in the wall. I blamed the fly that decided my kitchen was an acceptable alternative to the unbearable out-of-doors. He lived simply enough and didn’t mind sharing with me. Soon he was usurping my dinners, getting big and fat on prime rib. That night, though, he went too far when he devoured half of my chocolate cake. Despite his newly acquired girth, he was a quick fly, darting around the kitchen, landing only to gleefully watch inertia overtake me as I spun in concentric circles. Bulbs splintered and screamed, caffeinated mugs hovered and jetted, papers folded themselves into airplanes to escape.

Still the fly lived.

I stared at the hole and wondered if I might lure him in there and plaster it shut. Murderous thoughts took hostage of my patience. He smartly disappeared as I settled in to watch the news. But as Letterman wound up for his opening, the fly was back, buzzing around the TV. Louder and louder, faster and faster he buzzed. I knew what the cake thief wanted and I wasn’t giving in again. Finally he landed and crept across the guests’ faces, sucking the sallow pixels until I could take no more. I flipped to Leno. My fly settled in on the armchair beside me.

8 comments:

Mike Whitney said...

Exactly. Day 4 with the fly that won't die on our TV every night, late.

Absolutely*Kate said...

Allie Dresser's fantasy-reality takes flight with the latest buzz in down'home ways that just make you wish to be sitting in a late'night room listening to her catchin' in the wry of Letterman's opening monologue.

DAMN, I LOVE THIS PIECE, in a been'there, done'that kinda way. (I broke a bookcase rather than being part of the hole-in-the-wall gang).

~ Absolutely*Kate

Mulled Vine said...

Did he propose? Sounds like perfect husband material. :)

Very good, Allie!

quin browne said...

clever, tight and it made me laugh.

Bukowski's Basement said...

freaky... in that William S. Burroughs sort of way...

Jeanette Cheezum said...

ROFL this is a delightful escape.
I think that fly lived at my house last summer. Sorry I wasn't fast enough. So you wouldn't have gone through this.

Jodi MacArthur said...

Loved that first line, Allie. It's kind of the thoughts of a person after being irritated and annoyed day in and day out, and you wonder if you are beginning to go insane - for real.

"sucking the sallow pixels until I could take no more" ~ this hit it home. Good job, Allie.

Michael Solender said...

very cool allie. a quirky and fun write.